So the overview of the data analysis was presented, and the green light was given to proceed with write up. It was a euphoric but short lived experience as the dread set in, as to how much writing and further rendering would be required. Also, feeling the psychological pressure of raising two young boys during Covid-19 and historic scenes in America. I feel saddened that I presented these very issues to a conference last year in London to incredulous White faces.

And so the focused coding continued…a core category emerged, through blood sweat and tears: changing room. Basically the conceptualization of effective silence. It’s ambitious and I find, as I write up, and continue to sort memos, minor changes and shifts are still happening. Next week I hope to present to my supervisor and then hopefully I will move to the serious writing stage. Coding has been a bit of a challenge to say the least, in part because of the need to balance other commitments during lock down. Always be moving forward as Walt would say…I am seeing colored post cards in my sleep!

So the world is in a significant crises as we all deal with the impact of Covid-19. I thought it was worth including here as part of the history of this search process. As a stay at home dad my main focus at this time of lock down is my two boys. But in between I am trying to keep focused by chipping away at the focused coded. There is a tension between desperately wanting to finish and thinking is there any point?!

And so…I am in the depths of focused coding, the point in the PhD after the madness of the methodology chapters when I predicated I may begin to lose my mind. Trying to focus code is a challenge at the best of time but when it concerns something an intangible as ‘silence’ it gets freaky. I am trying to ground myself in the data by asking solid questions…I am using a combo of cards, paper and NVivo. Fun times.

Ok so I submitted by draft methodology chapters which were on the main well received. However my DoS just dropped the question ‘critical realism?’ a few times and left it at that. I was a bit miffed as I spent years getting to grips with radical constructivism (RC) and felt moderately attached to the theory. I thought I can just make a stronger argument for RC. I asked for clarification but I was met with noble silence.

So just to be sure I started reading and comparing critical realism (CR) with RC. It was like the tractor beam of the Death Star, I was hooked and Glaserfeld was blasted like rebel scum. Actually I was able to retain a solid appreciation and references to his work before positioning CR as an evolution  in my thinking. Resubmitted for review by supervision team.

I have more work to do than I have time which is much better than the other way round. 13 interviews have been Initially Coded (ongoing as I code the remaining). Feel like I am hitting the wall a little, it takes so long to code and a lot of brainpower to stay focused and mindful. But I guess the prize is the next stage: Focused Coding. Time is also pressing as I am now firmly on the work schedule with a deadline in focus: October 2021.  Sounds far away but it certainly is not given the work to be done.

It’s been an excruciating period of rejection! I have had to work so hard to secure each participant. It seems clinicians are inundated with requests to support doctoral research.  99% of the emails were not answered. The most effective way of recruitment was snowballing. Onto final transcriptions and lots of deep analysis.

It is hard to believe that I haven’t had time to blog since February.  I have since completed 7 interviews and commenced initial coding.

Ok, so the project has started in super earnest, as I have conducted my first interview with an extremely generous participant. I think it went very well but the transcription and careful eye of my supervisor will soon tell. I have also begun the task of learning NVivo from scratch. Looks straightforward enought but I would rather use cards and pencil – old school I know.  There is definitely something to be said about going beyond one’s comfort zone.

Yep, it’s nearly official, I passed the transfer leading to becoming a PhD ‘candidate’. The research board just needs to meet to rubber stamp the internal and external supervisors teams’ decision. I learnt a lot through the delivery of the research seminar and transfer viva. Among them, I had probably written 8,000 words too many for one section. I don’t think I can bear to look at the section for a month or two. I want now to concentrate on the methodology and the first interviews.